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Hello and welcome to the August 2011 Message Board
Firstly, to all who have commented on the Message Board; thank you! I am really encouraged by your reflections. It is really all about connecting with others and providing a source of personal reflection about the human condition.
Having said that, it is just as important to us that readers are able to share their experience of life and therefore deepen the collective source of reflection and learning. To that end, we will soon introduce other features (blogs, twitter, etc.).
...Peace, David
DATES TO REMEMBER: Saturday 27 August
Don't forget that Saturday 27 August is our morning Snapshot session! We are exploring compassion and (like compassion) when we experience gratitude we are blessed in so many ways. There are many facets of this natural gift called gratitude to explore... and I'd love to see you there.
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As always, I hope you enjoy...
Podcasts: a wonderful medium that allows us to communicate ideas to millions of people at one time. With podcasts, we learn again to really listen and absorb the spoken word (and in my experience at least, really listening is a dying art). Each month there will be a new podcast, each representing an eclectic array of views on this year's theme: our human experience. Some will be science-based while others will be philosophic in tone. Some will provide perspectives that challenge the Three Principles stance - some will amplify the listener's understanding of the Principles.
Guest Writers: a section where readers are prompted to reflect on any aspect of the Three Principles, or how they have grown "from the inside out". If you would like to share your insights and experience for publication you are most welcome. Before you do, please READ THE CONTRIBUTOR GUIDELINES.
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The Message Board Feature Article
THE HUMAN EXPERIENCE Part 7:
Compassion and Judgment
Rose and Andrew watched Frank leave the café. A few minutes silence ensued before conversation began once more...
"What do you think about that guy who made a fuss earlier about not having sugar in his coffee and then pouring it out on the floor; do you think he's a nutter?" Andrew began.
"It isn't for me judge." replied Rose.
"Oh come on Rose! What do you really think?"
"To tell you the truth Andrew, your question leaves me conflicted. As an onlooker, it's easy for me to pass judgement on the guy. But it wouldn't feel right inside to do so."
Andrew was clearly puzzled by that but Rose continued "Somehow, I see judging someone's actions and motives as damaging to me. Strange as that sounds, it is me that suffers. When I judge it shrinks me inside, I become more narrow and closed. It might give me a temporary 'holier than thou' feeling, I might feel self-righteous or whatever, but the feeling leaves me less connected with myself... not exactly what you wanted to hear; hey?"
Andrew paused and then replied "I've never thought about what judging someone does to me. It just happens really - what we do without giving it a second thought."
"Exactly. It's so automatic and unconscious. That guy has a life that I have no idea about, but when I judge his actions I assume that I know everything, as if I know him; his values, his beliefs, his motives and 'his life according to Rose'! But then, you did ask me what I thought!"
"No problem Rose! I hadn't thought about judging people really. There's a lot of truth in what you've just said. We assume a lot don't we?" responded Andrew.
They sat in quiet reflection, and then Andrew asked "What do you mean; judging people hurts you?"
"Andrew, I really don't know much about all this stuff." replied Rose. "Somehow, I see that guy as being in a really terrible place; distressed. And I just know when I am distressed or confused or unhappy, I do really crazy things. I drive too fast, I become impatient, irritated or angry about all sorts of things. I yell at the kids and sometimes want to divorce my lovely man. All because I am hurting inside and feel lost....
When I judge others for their bad behaviour I forget, 'Ah but for the grace of god go I'. And that forgetting disconnects me from feeling compassion. I am then not in a place where I can nurture and support my good intentions. Judging distances me from being open, caring and more spacious within myself; and that can't be good for me."
"I sort of know what you mean Rose; but that guy earlier... people don't act like that without being mental in some way do they?"
Rose quietly replied "All I know Andrew, is that when I am judging people I have no room left inside for beautiful feelings like compassion and thoughtfulness. I suppose it is about what you want to nourish within yourself. Judging others supports the world of assumptions, feelings of arrogance and self-opinion. The feelings of compassion, understanding and insight require a more conscious choice within me and I know which inner space I want to cultivate."
NOURISHING OUR INNER SPACE
The world of compassion, thoughtfulness and equanimity does something to our inner world. These 'noble' feelings are so natural and unpretentious; they just are. They flow naturally without any inner exertion on our part and there is a profound connection within us; and between us and others. There are many ways we can describe the experience of compassion.
Tenderness, healing, forgiveness and an expanding contentment are all descriptions of a life lived through compassion. Gravity is a powerful force that shapes our universe. Likewise, compassion is the form that LIFE takes in us when we are fully open.
Judgement on the other hand, is mental in nature. It is the creation of our own imagination and the stories we make up about ourselves and others without realising the illusion; our inner and outer worlds disconnected and separate. There is nothing in this cosmos other than ourselves that disconnects us from LIFE. What we nourish in ourselves is up to us.
The Human Experience Pt.8 continues next month...
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© David Bodman 2011. Permission to copy for personal use is granted.
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ALSO IN THIS ISSUE
THE DOORWAY TO BEING PRESENT TO LIFE
(Windows Media - 24.7mb)
ABC's New Dimensions program presents an interview between Michael Toms and Dr. Richard Moss. This 50 minute program explores "The Doorway to Being Present to Life". Moss reflects on the evolution of consciousness and the trouble we human beings have in staying present (often identifying with our thinking, getting lost in our past or our future and tending to flee from our feelings; which limits our ability to stay present)... I hope you enjoy.
Liked this podcast? Email me
Guest Writer: Allan Flood
What is; Is
I live in a culture depending on guilt, blame and shame to change behavior, a culture where we are judged by others and by ourselves through the filters of our moral values, what we believe is good and bad. If I hurt you, I feel guilty and I judge myself bad. If you hurt me, I blame you for doing me wrong and judge you a jerk. If I do something against my values, I judge myself bad and feel shame. This judgmental and punitive way of thinking has caused awful injustices, suffering and unnecessary pain in the objects of our judgment and ourselves as judgees.
But aren't those who hurt and scare us needing punishment? Don't they deserve punishment? No, not in the way we usually understand behavior. People don't deserve judgment and punishment but, in a world where peoples' actions are driven by core human needs they may need protective force to keep them from injuring themselves or others.
There are four situations in which "protective force" makes more sense than judgment and punishment. The first is when a person doesn't recognize the consequences of their actions (child running across the road). Punishment driven by blame, guilt and shame makes no sense here. Protective use of force, to keep the child from harm and helping them learn a lesson does. The second is when the person is insane. Punishment makes no sense here - they learn nothing. Protecting the person and the rest of us from their behavior does. The third is when the person doesn't know another way to get what they want except by violent, punitive means. Protective force makes sense here because that person's beliefs are non-life serving and based on judgmental, belief-driven thinking. The fourth is if the person believes that people deserve punishment. Again, an erroneous belief based on the core-need driven nature of being human.
Punishment doesn't work very well. Fear bites back sooner or later. By refusing to cling to punitive, moralistic, right and wrong, good and bad judgments and punitive thinking, we express our innate wisdom and are able to choose the next common sense thing to do.
Links to Allan Flood:
Perfect Misfortune
(Kindle/Revised)
www.allanflood.com |
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"The unreflected life is not worth living. All of us need to draw away from our busy lives from time to time and seek a space where we can think about the meaning of life and what really matters to us." Socrates
WE ARE WHAT WE DO
There are very few of us who would not like to be more compassionate. This suggests that compassion is an act or something we do. There is a quote which suggests that behind 'right action' there is a powerful thought, and that therefore before any action there is a thought (an attitude, a belief, etc.) that fuels the feelings that drive the actions.
Strange to say, it seems to me that it is when our minds are uncluttered and clear we experience a noble feeling. Here, I use the word 'noble' in the sense of recognising and being bestowed one's birthright. The noble feeling of compassion is our birthright; our inheritance from LIFE. To bestow is to present a gift. LIFE presents us with the gift of compassion when our minds are free from the clutter of judgement, assumption and self-created stories that we forget we make up in our minds. It is in the act of 'not forgetting' that we have an opportunity to experience compassion as birthright.
In the Christian bible, in the Gospel of Luke Chapter 6 verse 37, we find Jesus saying "Don't judge, and you won't be judged. Don't condemn, and you won't be condemned. Set free, and you will be set free." Interestingly, these words are said within the context of being compassionate as the Heavenly Father is compassionate.
Again, I am not trying to make a religious point here. The first sentence is a common phrase that is so often used as a retort from one who is being judged by another. We so often forget or are ignorant of the context in which phrases are used.
Be mindful and live our birthright more each day.
...David |
